Little is Much

I was raised in a Baptist Church and had accepted Christ as my savior, and was baptized.

Then I got mad at God...As  a child I had been sexually abused and would often pray that the  abuse would stop. As A child I couldn't understand how or why God allowed this to continue. That was not God's plans,but mans sin. I believed the lies from the violator, "if I told anyone bad things would happen to those I love or to me"  I also believed Saten's lies that I was not worth anything.

AT 16 I started drinking to erase the pain. I figured I was already soiled so I went ahead and had sex with my first boyfriend. The relationship only lasted nine months. When I went  to Junior College- my Mom told me to take my Bible. I told her I wouldn't need it where I was going- and continued to drink and became very permiscuous. I figured I might as well take advantage of men and hurt them before they had a chance to hurt me anymore.

In 1979 I joined the Navy. My first command was in Naples, Italy. I was dating  my supervisor for awhile. I began to struggle with sexual feelings toward my roommate, who was a female. I broke up with the supervisor and  began a homosexual relationship. We were together two years when Naval orders came in . I was being transfered to San Diego,Ca and she was being transfered to Norfolk,VA.In San Diego it didn't take me long to find the gay bars. It didn't take long to displace my hurt with  one-night- stands-love them and leave'em.  (if you are one of the people I used, please forgive me)

A neighbor had invited me to a gay church. That was kind of a good feeling...after all they taught that God Loves you! (which He does) Later I realized that they juump over the destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah. Sometime later I noticed a couple of lumps in my right breast. The first two biopsy's within two years I showed up hung-over.  During this time at the gay church they asked me if I would teach the children . I began to think that perhaps it wasn' t a good example to teach children on Sunday morning  hung-over, smelling like bad alcohol. I ask God to help me with my drinking as I was drinking about a case of beer daily, and not caring who I went home with. On July 4,1984  I had my last beer.  I also had another biopsy in July, this time I was sober but had some of God's peace. The biopsy's were all benige. In Oct I was introduced to a woman who was willing to go to the gay church with me. We began dating and after nine months we had a "holy union" ( gay marriage).

 When we got out of the Navy, we moved to the midwest. She had family in Indiana, and my family was in Iowa. We choose Peoria, Ill.so we could visit  our families often. We were looking for a church to attend, and the gay people wanted to socialize  at the bar. She remembered an organization that had been part of her college campus.  We bagan attending and told people we were just sisters. In 1992 Louis Palau  came to Peoria. We went through the counselor trainning, and were counselors at the Civic Center. He preached of God's love and forgiveness  for all sins,including homosexuality.

Every time we went to Iowa, the visiting Pastor would speak out against  homosexuality.In Feb 1993 we were to celebrate our 9th year together. She suddenly said that perhaps our relationship was wrong in God's eyes. I told her I could fight a man or a woman, but I was certainly not going to fight God!  I had already tried that and was not going to go back to the empty life of the bars. She moved out. I began to search the scriptures. Within ten months I came across  1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdomof God? Do not be decieved: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor drunkards nor slanders nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were, But you were washed, you were sanctified, you werejustified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God.

As I read this passage I realized that I needed Him to take away my sexual desires and that I needed to really have a personel relationship with God.   I had lost my job, the bank was going to forclose on the mortgage, my car was broke, the church I was going to was going to close on Dec 25. I don't know how long I cried out to God, asking Him to forgive me,and asking him to take my life.  I realzed that  I need his help to overcome the homosexual life  I had been living for the past 14 years.  I surrendered my pride and cried out for forgiveness, as I repented. I re-asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior.

During this time I was teaching the little children at church. One of the Sunday  lessons was Mark 4:35 the parable about Jesus calming the storms. God not only calms the storms he breaks strongholds.When this church closed down a co-worker invited me to Community Bible Study. During my time with this group of ladies, my core leader became a true friend, as I told her everything going on. She invited me to her church. The first year I sat in the back row,crying as I left church, asking God to take my pain. He took my hand...It has been a daily process against Saten saying you are not worthy. God's word and His love is stronger. God calls me -HIS  beloved child.

Out of obedience to God I am willing to  speak against the lies of Saten. Today in our schools young people are being taught that homosexuality is an acceptable alternate lifestyle. Same sex  attraction is being taught as a tolerant form of the third sex family living.
God created a special ralationship between men/men   women/ women  to be heart to heart friends. He did not intend for us to sexually cross the line.  I believe that God intended real intimacy  to be  between man and woman, in the bond of marriage.